


What are we even doing?

by Auduna_Druitt, pinkamour1588



Series: What are we even doing? [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Apologies, Blow Jobs, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talk, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Exhibitionism, Fear, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Headaches & Migraines, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Injury, Insecurity, Jealousy, Jim Kirk the Nudist, Lack of Communication, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Memories of Tarsus IV, Minor Injuries, Mutual Pining, Neck Kissing, Nudity, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Pining, Romance, Roommates, Sex, Sex Toys, Sexual Orientation, Showers, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, Smut, Tarsus IV, Teasing, Voyeurism, Wedding Fluff, Weddings, Wet Dream, room mates, spotted dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-01 22:01:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11495619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auduna_Druitt/pseuds/Auduna_Druitt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkamour1588/pseuds/pinkamour1588
Summary: Jim Kirk has never had true stability. Leonard McCoy has never met a challenge he couldn't face.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was based on the prompt: “Are you decent?” “Not morally, but I’m wearing pants, if that’s what you’re asking."
> 
> Odd numbered chapters written by Auduna_Druitt  
> Even numbered chapters written by pinkamour1588

The shuttle ride to San Francisco was relatively uneventful and before he knew it Jim was stepping out onto the green grass of Starfleet Academy’s front lawn. They were herded over to the front steps where Academy personnel stood waiting for them with PADDs in hand. As soon as the new cadets were all gathered the advisors began handing out dorm assignments. Jim however was only partially paying attention, his mind wandering back home to his mother.

She hadn’t exactly been thrilled that he was leaving but she had understood, or at least she had said she did. He had a sneaking suspicion that she was feeling a little abandoned, with her husband gone all she had were her boys and Sam had left years ago. Jim just couldn’t stand to live in his uncle’s house anymore.

 “Kirk, James T. Report to Lieutenant Rogers, Sirius 32-A.”

He turned and made his way out of the dwindling crowd of cadets and over to a middle-aged man with several new cadets around him. “James Kirk.”

“Welcome to Starfleet Academy Mister Kirk.”

He nodded and stood there waiting with the others while the remainder of the cadets were being given their dorm assignments.

“McCoy, Leonard H. Report to Lieutenant Rogers, Sirius 32-B.”

Jim glanced up as his grumpy seat partner made his way over to them.

“Leonard McCoy.”

“Welcome to Starfleet Academy Mister McCoy. That should be everyone, now if you’ll all follow me I’ll show you to your dormitory.” He turned and started off down the sidewalk with the small group behind him.

Jim fell into step beside Leonard and glanced at the somewhat disheveled man, “Made it here in one piece. Shuttle didn't crash.”

“Yeah.”

“I guess this means we’re gonna be roomies?”

“Looks like it.”

“Are you always this grumpy?” Jim said with a hint of a frown.

“Only when people are asking me stupid questions or bothering me.”

“Right.” Jim nodded. _It’s gonna be a long three years._

They followed Lieutenant Rogers into one of the large grey buildings at the edge of the lawn and everyone gathered around him once more. “This is your dormitory. Those of you who have received your cadet uniforms already know what to expect, you are dismissed. Those of you who have not yet received your uniforms will find uniforms waiting in your rooms. You will also find a map of the academy to assist you in locating your classrooms and a handbook of guidelines, rules and regulations. Read it, learn it, memorize it, you will be tested on it at random. The mess hall is located across the square and the recreation facility is next door. Most importantly there is a curfew for all cadets and it is strictly enforced. You are dismissed.” He turned and walked away down the hall before anyone had a chance to say anything.

Looking up at the wall of names and room numbers as they passed, Jim shook his head. _What am I even doing here?_ He thought as he made his way to the lift with his new reluctant roommate.

Several weeks later Jim returned from class and dropped his books on the floor by the door, he pulled his shirt off and dropped it on the floor, his undershirt found it’s way to the desk chair, while his pants fell just outside the bathroom. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror he dropped his boxers and reached over to turn the water on in the shower. The door to the dorm opened and through the closed bathroom door he could hear Leonard grumbling about living in a pigsty.

Letting the water run over him he tried to ignore the grumbling coming from the other room. As the water began to run cold he sighed and stepped out, grabbed the nearest towel, wrapped it around his waist, and walked out into the room.

Leonard barely glanced up at him, “It’s about damn time! Don’t suppose you saved any hot water for me.”

Jim shook his head and fell back on his bed, “Sorry, Bones.”

Leonard turned and looked at his sandy haired roommate. “Rough day kid?”

“You could say that. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been compared to my father since I got here. ”

“He’s certainly got one hell of a legacy.”

Jim turned his head and looked over at Leonard, “Thanks Bones.”

Leonard frowned, “For what? I didn’t do anything, except pick up your clothes.”

“Thanks for not comparing me to my dad...and for picking up my clothes.”

Leonard stood to his feet and headed for the door. “I’m going to the mess. Want me to bring you something back?”

Jim looked back up at the ceiling and closed his eyes, “Thanks Bones but I’m not very hungry.”

He laid there in the silence and a few moments later he heard the door open and close. Leonard was not bad as a roommate. Sure he was kind of grumpy, but from what Jim had managed to get out of him it seemed to stem from a recent and rather nasty divorce. Over the few weeks they’d been roommates he’d seen a kinder and softer side of the man. The little things he did to keep the peace, the way he was always trying to take care of those around him, the way he attempted to lift those that were feeling down. Sure his bedside manner could use some work but there was no denying the man was a great doctor. Not to mention the fact that he was easy on the eyes.

Jim’s eyes opened and he frowned. _Easy on the eyes? Where did that come from?_ He sat up and glanced around the room. The good doctor was a minimalist, he kept a very neat room and only had a handful of meaningful items he’d brought from home. Jim’s favorite was the vintage photograph of a smiling Leonard and a dark haired little girl with her daddy’s eyes.

Jim shook his head. His mind has been wandering more and more over the last couple of weeks, his roommate being his biggest distraction. At first it had been the grumpiness but he got used to that, then it was the snarky attitude but that was just a defense response, now it was something else entirely. He sighed and stared at the photo on the desk. “What am I thinking? You’d never fall for me.”


	2. Chapter 2

All Leonard wanted was to come home and decompress from his day. Maybe have a drink. He did have that bottle of bourbon stashed in his closet. A long, hot shower sounded nice too. Then sleep. Or maybe skip the whiskey and shower in the morning.

The universe had other plans. Instead of walking into the dorm to find Jim studying for that tactics exam he had coming up, or not find the blonde in the dorm at all, Leonard got an eyeful of Jim.

“Jesus Christ, Jim, put some clothes on!” Leonard said turning to look at the wall instead of his very naked roommate.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before,” Jim shrugged not moving an inch from where he was lounging on his bed.

“Just because I’m a doctor does not mean I’m comfortable seeing my friend’s penis.”

“I wasn’t just referring to the doctor part.”

Leonard let out a long sigh.  _ Yeah, I’m gonna need that drink. _ “Just put your pants on.”

“Are you really that uncomfortable?”

“Yes!”

Jim got up, going to his dresser and pulling out a pair of boxers. 

“Are you decent?” Leonard asked after a minute.

“I have underwear on if that’s what you're asking.”

Leonard glared at him as he put his bag down at his desk.

“Who knew you were so scared of dicks,” Jim teased.

“I’m not, I just don’t want to see yours. I avoid looking at them as much as possible.” 

“Your browser history says otherwise.”

“Why the hell were you looking at my browser history?”

“I was borrowing your PADD.”

“Why were you borrowing my PADD? How did you even get into it? I have a password.”

“Mine ran out of battery and I needed to look something up,” Jim shrugged, “And, really, Bones? Your daughter’s name as a password? It wasn’t that hard to figure out.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“What were you looking up anyway?”

“I had a calculus question.”

“And you looked at my browser history?”

“It wasn’t entirely intentional. You left it up.”

“Again, I hate you. Never borrow my PADD without asking.” Leonard went to his dresser and got out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“So you can clear your history first?”

“Yes, precisely. What I look at on my own time is none of your business.”

“Hey, some of that stuff was pretty good.”

Leonard turned around, holding the t-shirt in one hand and his uniform shirt in the other. “You didn’t,” he said completely deadpan.

“No. What kind of person do you think I am?”

“The kind who borrows his roommate’s things without asking and proceeds to look though very private information.”

“You borrow my things sometimes.”

“I borrow things like soap and toothpaste. Not your PADD. And even if I did borrow it, I’d have the decency to ask first.”

“How southern.”

“Don’t mock me, kid. And once I get a drink, we are having a talk about boundaries.” Leonard tossed his uniform into the laundry basket and dug the bottle of bourbon out from the depths of his closet. He got a glass from the kitchenette and poured himself some, then paused, sighed, and got out another glass and poured some for Jim.

“You keep booze in your closet?” Jim asked as Leonard handed him the glass.

“Yes. Because it’s mine and I don’t want you drinking it.”

“I know where it is now.”

“Boundaries. No going into my closet without my permission.”

“But you’re hiding all the good stuff in there,” Jim said gesturing toward his glass after taking a sip.

“That’s why I’m hiding it. Because it’s good.”

“What else am I not allowed to do anymore?”

“Ok, just to be clear, you weren’t ever allowed to do any of these things. You just did them. No more walking around ass naked and no going through my things.”

“What if you’re not here? Can I rid myself of pants then?”

“Warning. Only with warning. And you have to wear them when I’m here.”

“Fair enough.”

“Glad you think so because it wasn’t really up for discussion.”

“Are you ever not grumpy?”

“You already know the answer to that question.”

“So, no, not really.” Jim smiled only for Leonard to weakly glare at him.

As much as Jim got under his skin sometimes, Leonard had developed a certain fondness for the twenty-three year old. Jim was a pain in the ass, but he was Leonard’s pain in the ass. Maybe it was just the fact Jim hadn’t put in a room reassignment request after only a week of dealing with Leonard’s moodiness. That’s probably it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Odd numbered chapters written by Auduna_Druitt  
> Even numbered chapters written by pinkamour1588


	3. Chapter 3

Jim laid in the bed staring up at the ceiling, resigned to yet another sleepless night. It’d been a few days since Bones had set boundaries and he’d been thinking about it a lot.  _ Did I go too far? I could have kept my mouth shut about his history. Maybe I should have asked his permission when he got back. Better late than never? _

Pushing the PADD thing aside he goes back to the pants controversy.  _ Why was he so bothered by it? He is a Doctor and it's not like he doesn't have one too. So what if I walk around naked sometimes.  _ The thing Leonard hadn’t realized, or maybe he did and didn’t care, was that Jim was notorious for pushing the boundaries and finding ways around them altogether. Bones had said he had to warn him when he wasn’t wearing pants and Jim already had at least sixteen ways in mind, Bones wasn’t likely to like any of them. Smiling to himself he glanced over at his sleeping roommate. If he was being truthful, and honestly why would he lie to himself at this point, he thoroughly enjoyed the grump. 

In some ways Leonard reminded him of his uncle but he had a lot more good qualities about him than that mean old bastard. He obviously adored his little girl and once he had gotten more comfortable with Jim he had talked nonstop about his little angel that was living with his sister. Jim had looked through the album Leonard had brought with him and every page was full of pictures of Joanna as she grew. Of course Jim didn’t tell Leonard that he’d looked through the book since he’d technically not asked too.

There was just something about the doctor that Jim was inexplicably drawn to. He couldn’t put his finger on it but at this point he didn’t really care. He had fallen for his roommate and there was no going back. The only thing he could do now was move forward and hope that maybe one day Leonard would feel the same way. Until then he decided he’d enjoy every minute of that lovable grumpy doctor with a heart of gold.

Rolling over in the bed he settled himself so he could watch Leonard sleeping. The little faces he made in his sleep and the occasional little noises always made him wish he was right there beside him. He just wanted to wrap an arm around him and hold him close. When they were together between classes or at mealtimes he would find little reasons just to touch him, and he was pretty sure Leonard didn’t even notice. 

One thing was for sure though, he had become very protective of Leonard.

_ Leonard, his grump.  _

He groaned and sat up in his bed, the product of this line of thinking suddenly becoming painfully obvious. 

Leonard shifted in his bed, “You okay Jim?” he asks, his voice a little raspy from sleep.

Jim quickly stood to his feet and headed into the bathroom, “Fine Bones. Just can’t sleep.”

The door closed behind him and he braced his hands on the edge of the bathroom counter and looked down. “What am I doing to myself?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Odd numbered chapters written by Auduna_Druitt  
> Even numbered chapters written by pinkamour1588


	4. Chapter 4

**Six months later**

Apparently asking Jim to inform him when he wasn’t wearing pants wasn’t the best move on Leonard’s part. Most of the time Jim would send him a message informing Leonard of his pantslessness when it was completely unnecessary to do so, and Jim knew it. On a few occasions though, Leonard received no warning and walked in on Jim casually sitting around naked.

“Jim, are you here?” Leonard asked standing behind the partition.

“Yeah,” Jim called back.

“Are you decent?”

“Well, I like to think I’m a decent human being.”

“For god’s sake,” Leonard muttered. “Are you wearing pants?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Yes, Jim, I would like to know because I’m really tired of seeing you without them.”

“Yes, I’m wearing pants.”

Leonard let out a huff before walking into the bedroom, glaring at Jim.

“Someone have a bad day?” Jim was sitting at his desk in just a pair of boxers, blonde hair wet from his shower after his hand to hand combat class.

“I got thrown up on in the clinic.”

“So, average day?”

“Yeah. I take it you didn’t get completely beaten up in hand-to-hand today since you didn’t come in.”

“Just the average amount of beaten up.”

Leonard looked over at the blonde, eyes flickering over him as he took in some of the bruises on Jim’s arms. “How you get so bruised up in that class, I don’t know,” he muttered to himself as he turned away, shaking his head slowly.

“It’s a combat class.”

“And you were recruited after being in a bar fight.”

“I wasn’t doing so hot in that fight. And you can’t exactly use the same methods of fighting in the class as you do in a bar.”

“Yeah, I assumed you didn’t do too great. You were thoroughly beaten up when I met you.”

“And you were drunk.”

“Buzzed.”

“You had a flask.”

“Doesn’t mean I was drunk.”

“You were just on your way to it.”

“So, buzzed.”

“Fine, you were just buzzed.” Jim rolled his eyes.

“Is it just bruises?”

“I’m sore in general.”

“There’s painkillers in the medkit. Red bottle. Bring it here.”

Jim pushed himself up from the chair and went into the bathroom. He returned a minute later, waiting until Leonard had finished getting dressed before tossing the bottle over. Leonard opened the bottle and shook one capsule out, handing it to Jim.

“Were you planning on mentioning that cut?” Leonard asked, gesturing toward the too-pink, scabbing over cut on Jim’s calf.

Jim looked at the cut and shrugged. “No.”

“It looks infected.”

“Probably just irritated it in the shower.”

“How long has it been there?”

“Two days.”

“And how long has it looked like that?”

“A day.”

“And you think you just irritated it in the shower?”

Jim shrugged.

“Sit down. I want to take a look at it.”

“It’s fine, really,” Jim protested, though he sat back down in his desk chair anyway as Leonard went and got the medkit from the bathroom.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Kirk,” Leonard muttered when he returned.

“At least you’ll die happy.”

Leonard sighed as he put on a glove, kneeling down and pressing his lips together thoughtfully as he examined the cut. He ignored the way Jim hissed when he touched the area surrounding the wound.

Fifteen minutes and a short lecture later, he was pushing himself back onto his feet and throwing away the gauze.

~~~

Leonard didn’t sleep much that night, and what sleep he did get was anything but decent. He woke up far too early the next morning. No matter hard he tried, he just couldn’t fall back asleep. So he stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, counting the screws holding each panel in place until he lost count. Jim let out a particularly loud snore causing Leonard to look over at him a bit concerned.  _Since when did the kid snore?_

After a few minutes, Leonard got up to use the bathroom. When he returned, he flopped back into bed, picking up his PADD to do some reading for Xenoanatomy.  _Damn Vulcans and their weird anatomy. And damn Jim and his recently developed snoring for being so distracting._  Leonard looked over at the blonde, furrowing his eyebrows. He watched Jim for any indication of sleep apnea, finding none and getting sidetracked watching as Jim’s chest rose and fell steadily.

Leonard tilted his head as he studied Jim’s face. Blonde hair a mess, long eyelashes fanned across cheekbones, a little five o’clock shadow covering his jaw.

Leonard blinked a few times, confused.  _What the hell am I thinking? I’m straight. I have an ex-wife and a child. And even if I’m not straight, Jim’s my best friend. I do not like him as more than a friend. I cannot like him that way. He cannot like me that way. And he cannot want me of all people like that. He’s 23. I’m 29 with a kid. A kid I barely see, but a kid nonetheless. And what 23-year-old wants to date someone with a 7-year-old kid? Even if he did, we can’t risk our friendship. It wouldn’t be worth it. I do not like him that way. He cannot like me that way._ He repeated it over and over in his head, somehow managing to fall back asleep for a few more hours.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Odd numbered chapters written by Auduna_Druitt  
> Even numbered chapters written by pinkamour1588


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning Jim woke early and took a quick shower before getting ready for his first class of the day. Leonard was still asleep since his first class wasn’t until a little later in the day. Jim pulls his uniform on and stares at the sleeping form of his grump.  _I have to stop thinking like that or I won’t get through the day. There was no way in hell I was gonna tell him the reason I got so banged up in combat training yesterday._

A noise from the bed caught his attention as he made his way to the door. He stopped and looked over at the bed to see Leonard frowning in his sleep. He smiled, even in his sleep Leonard was grumpy, just one more thing to add to the ever growing list of things he loved about him.

_“Jim.”_

He stopped and stared closely at Leonard’s face. The man was still fast asleep, but he’d swear he heard him say his name…

_“Jim.”_

He wasn’t just saying his name, he was pleading…almost begging.  _What for? What is he dreaming about?_

Leonard rolls over in his back and Jim’s eyes widen,  _So that’s what he’s dreaming about! Maybe I do stand a chance_. He smirked to himself as he made his way out the door with an armful of books and several new ideas already forming in his head.

Later that afternoon Jim arrived back at the dorm to find Leonard hadn’t come back from the clinic yet. Grinning to himself he stripped down and put his clothes away, if he was going to do this he might as well do it right. Putting on some of his favorite music he turned the volume up and sat down at the desk on his side of the room to do his homework. Which is what he was still doing when Leonard arrived a short while later.

“Are you decent?” he asked from the other side of the partition.

“Yep.”

Leonard stepped around the partition and raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said you were decent.”

Jim looks down at the book lying open in his lap and shrugs. “It’s covered. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Leonard sighed and shook his head. “Why must you be such a child?”

Jim grins, “Why must you be such a grump?”

“Do we really have to go over that again? I’m gonna go take a shower. I hope you’ll be wearing clothes when I get back.”

“No promises Bones. I have a lot of studying to do for that test I’ve got coming up and I’m not sure I have time to get up and spend the time to get dressed. Besides I do my best thinking with less clothes on.”

Leonard shook his head again, “So you’re trying to tell me that the less clothes you wear the better you think?”

Jim nodded.

“You must be some kind of genius then because I swear living with you is like living with a three year old sometimes.”

Jim sat back in his chair and frowned. “Just what is that supposed to mean?”

Leonard stopped in the bathroom door. “It means that the second you walk in the door your start stripping down like a kid being potty trained.” The door closed behind him and Jim picked the book up out of his lap. Standing to his feet he reached into his drawer and pulled out his latest purchase. Slipping into them he sat back down and replaced the book on his lap.  _He didn’t say what I had to wear as long as I’m wearing something._

A little later Leonard emerged from the bathroom to find Jim still sitting at the desk. “I was hopeful, but I guess there’s no use.”

Jim picked the book in his lap up, “What are you talking about? I put underwear on.”

Leonard looked over at him, “Jim, I’m not sure what that is but it certainly isn’t underwear. Underwear covers everything and that…” he said gesturing at Jim. “That is not underwear!”

Jim stood up and turned in a circle, “It covers everything.”

Leonard shook his head, “Your balls are falling out! Good god man, go put on a pair of boxers!”

He disappeared back into the bathroom leaving Jim standing there grinning like a fool.  _That was more fun than I thought it’d be._

A couple of months later Jim was in the lab when a glass container dropped and broke on the counter in front of him. The liquid inside splattered all over the counter, the floor, and his clothes. The lab instructor took one look at him and dismissed him to the clinic. Rushing through the halls and out into the square he glanced at the clock on the tower.  _Bones should still be there. With any luck I can get him to look me over._  He winced slightly as the chemicals eat through his uniform and undershirt. Sprinting the rest of the way to the clinic he burst through the door. “I need to see McCoy!”

A nurse peered around the corner at him and dropped the PADD she was holding onto the counter. “What happened?”

“Lab accident, chemical spill.”

“Come with me.” she said taking a hold of his arm.

She led him into one of the curtained exam rooms and pulled the curtain behind her. “Contaminated clothes off and into the bin. Careful not to let it spread. I’ll go get Doctor Wright.”

He looked up and dropped the shoes he had taken off already. “Is Doctor McCoy not here still?”

She glanced up at the clock on the wall, “He’s about to leave.”

Jim nodded, “That’s fine. Just tell him it’s Jim.”

She eyed him and took a step back.

“Trust me, he’ll want to see me.”

She sighed and shook her head, “It’s your funeral.” she said as she stepped out of the room. Jim grinned and stripped the rest of his clothes off and deposited them in the bin she had indicated. Hopping up on the table he folded his hands in his lap and waited.  _He’s gonna love this._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Odd numbered chapters written by Auduna_Druitt  
> Even numbered chapters written by pinkamour1588


	6. Chapter 6

_One more chart. One more chart and then home. Jim shouldn’t be home yet. One hour of peace and…_

“Dr. McCoy, there’s a patient here to see you,” Nurse Kate said when she walked over to where Leonard stood at the nurses’ station.

“I’m off in three minutes. Dr. Wright is available,” Leonard answered not so much as glancing up from the PADD in front of him.

“The patient requested you specifically.”

Leonard was grateful that he wasn’t actually holding the PADD but rather looking down at resting on the counter because otherwise it would be on the floor, possibly cracked. “Dammit, Jim,” he muttered, then looked at Kate, “What did he do this time?”

“Chemical spill in the lab.”

“What bed is he in?”

“Two.”

Leonard let out a heavy sigh. “His skin had better be falling off or something.” He shook his head slowly as he walked to bed 2, where Jim was waiting. Leonard pulled back the curtain, stepped in, then promptly turned around and walked away closing the curtain behind him as he groaned, “Jesus Christ.” He walked over to Kate who looked at him curiously. “Warning. You couldn’t’ve warned me that he was naked?”

“I told you it was a chemical spill in the lab,” she shrugged.

“I assumed he got it on his hands, or maybe his arms.”

“Well, you know what they say about assumptions.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Would you like to finish that thought?”

“Will you attempt to kill me if I do?”

“I’ll refrain.”

She laughed. “They make an ass out of you and me.”

“They certainly have made an ass out of you.” With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Kate laughing hysterically. “Would you care to explain why you’re sitting in the clinic naked and bothering me?” he asked as he stepped back into the curtained off area where Jim sat, legs hanging off the edge of the bed and hands folded neatly in his lap.  _Well, at least he’s covering it._

“Hello to you, too, Bones,” Jim grinned innocently.

“What the hell did you do?” Leonard asked as he turned the biobed on.

“Accidently dropped a bottle of nitric acid in the lab.”

“Kate!”

“Yes?” she walked in, looking faintly amused.

“You didn’t bother to ask what he got on himself?” Before she could answer, Leonard continued, “Get him a gown. Now.”

Any amusement at the situation Kate had vanished as she hurried off, returning with a hospital gown and handing it to Jim.

“Put that on and follow me,” Leonard said to Jim, who somehow still looked entertained.

Once Jim had the gown on and Kate had loosely tied it on the back, he followed Leonard to the locker room and to the showers.

“Fifteen minutes.  _Minimum_. I’m timing you.” Leonard pointed to one of the showers.

Jim removed the hospital gown and threw it at Leonard, laughing when it landed halfway on the doctor’s head as he stepped into the shower.

“Make sure to focus the water on the burns,” Leonard said as Jim turned the water on, then walked off to get a towel from his locker and a pair of shoe covers so Jim wouldn’t be walking barefoot through the clinic again.

“So, how’s your day going?” Jim asked cheerfully when he noticed Leonard had returned.

“It was going fine before you showed up.” Leonard sat on the nearest bench, going between looking at the clock on the wall and the folded towel on his lap. Anything but what was visible of Jim because the shower curtain wasn’t entirely shut.

“Aw, I’m glad I could make your day better.”

“You made it worse.”

“Did I really?”

“Yes. I was about to head home and have some peace and quiet. Then you got a fucking acid on you and insisted I be your attending physician for this situation.”

“I didn’t mean to get it on me.”

“I assumed. You’re an idiot but you’re not stupid enough to purposefully get nitric acid on you.”  _My idiot._

“Glad you think I’m stupid.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m joking, Bones. And I am an idiot on occasion.”

Leonard bit back a ‘yeah, but you’re my idiot’, opting instead to say, “At least you know it, kid.”

The next twelve minutes were spent in semi-comfortable silence. When the water turned off, Leonard stood and handed Jim the towel. Jim stepped out of the shower a minute later and Leonard tried to ignore the way his throat clenched at the sight. The blonde had dried off for the most part but he still had a few stray drops of water running down his torso to the towel wrapped low around his hips. Leonard prayed to that Jim didn’t notice the way his gaze lingered a few seconds too long before he turned away and picked up the hospital gown.

“Get dressed,” Leonard said as he handed the gown to Jim.

“Yes, sir,” Jim laughed dropping the towel and putting on the gown.

“Was that necessary?”

“Completely.”

Leonard sighed and rolled his eyes as he tied the gown shut in the back. Without a word, the two of them walked back out to the bed, which Jim got onto quickly and laid back. Leonard left him there as he got the supplies to treat the burns.

“Have I mentioned what pain in the ass you are?” Leonard asked when he returned, pulling the curtain shut behind him.

“Not yet today,” Jim grinned.

Leonard glared at him before starting to examine the burns. “I might not have to kill you. You might just accomplish that on your own,” he muttered.

“Come on, you can fix it.”

“I can, but that doesn’t mean I’m not annoyed with you.”

“Grumpy.”

“Happily so.” Leonard applied some antibiotic cream to the burns, trying not to think about how close his hands were Jim’s crotch.

“How can you be happy and grumpy at the same time?”

“I’m satisfied in my grumpiness. Now, the dermal regenerator is being finicky today, and using it on fresh chemical burns is highly advised against anyway, so I’m just going to cover these as securely as I can.”

“Then you’ll take me home?”

_Did he just wink at me?_  “Yeah, unfortunately. I’ll get you the scrubs from my locker to wear,” Leonard grumbled as he got to work dressing the wounds. “Are your boots damaged?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’ll have to walk back to the dorm barefoot, or in those things.” He gestured toward the shoe covers still on Jim’s feet.

“What? You won’t carry me home?”

“Your legs are perfectly functional.”

“That wasn’t my question.”

Leonard looked up from what he was doing. “The only reason I’d carry you is in the case that you genuinely cannot walk and there’s no other way to get you from point A to point B.” He looked back down at the burns and finished dressing them. “Stay here,” he said before walking away. After disposing of the used gauze and his gloves, he went back to the locker room and got the spare pair of scrubs. He stood in front of his locker holding the scrubs and trying to collect his thoughts.  _I cannot like him that way. He cannot like me that way._  With a sigh, he walked back to the bed where Jim was waiting, handing him the clothes. “I need to fill out a chart for you. I’ll be right back.”

When Leonard walked up to the nurses’ station, Kate held a PADD out to him.

“I got it started and filled out what I could,” she said as he took it.

“Thank you,” he nodded, double checking the information she’d entered before adding to it as he went back to Jim.

“I’m gonna live, right, doc?” Jim joked as when Leonard stepped back into the curtained off area.

“Hm?” Leonard looked up from the PADD.

“I’m going to live, right?”

“If you’re asking if I’m going to kill you for interrupting my day, no, not today.”

“I was actually referring to the acid burns, but I appreciate you’ll hold off on the homicide.”

“The burns have to be redressed at least once a day for a few days before the dermal regenerator can be used. Other than that, no, you’re not going to die. At least not by nitric acid burns.”

“That’s good. It’d be a rather unfortunate way to go.”

“I can think of worse ways. Aspirating on your own vomit would be pretty high on that list,” Leonard said offhandedly.

“Really? That fast?”

Leonard glanced up. “I’m a doctor. I quite familiar with the ways a person can die.”

“I don’t like morbid Bones.”

“Well, I don’t like pain in the ass Jim, but we can’t always get what we want, can we?”

“No, I suppose we don’t,” Jim sighed.

Leonard glanced over at him curiously before returning the PADD to the nurses’ station and clocking out. He grabbed his bag from his locker, walking back out onto the floor to see Jim chatting with Kate.  _Of course, he’s flirting. He doesn’t like you as more than a friend. Why can’t you get that through your thick skull?_ Leonard composed himself as he walked over to the two of them. “Dammit, Jim, can you not flirt with the nurses for once?” Leonard grumbled as he grabbed Jim’s arm and dragged him away.  _You’re not jealous. You don’t get to be jealous._

“I wasn’t flirting,” Jim answered as the two of them walked out of the clinic.

“You were flirting. And I’m pretty sure it’s her every time. Just ask her out.”

“I don’t want to ask her out.”

“Then don’t flirt with her. I happen to like working with her. I’d rather you not make her go running.”

“Bones, I wasn’t flirting.”

“I’ve been around you long enough to know what it looks like when you’re flirting. You were flirting.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“I’m sure.”

_Yeah, I wasn’t completely sure._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always follow real lab procedure in situations like this. And yes, Kate was being an irresponsible nurse. It is in no way reflection of her name sake, my fucking awesome ER nurse sister.


	7. Chapter 7

He hadn’t been flirting. At least not intentionally. While it was true that nurse Kate was his favorite nurse he hadn’t even thought about her that way. He only thought about Leonard that way. He saw the way Leonard’s eyes wandered down his body when he got out of the shower. The way he stared at him and then blushed and looked away. He’d been tempted to say something.  _Like what you see Doctor?_  But it was hardly the time or place for that. The burns had hurt more than he’d let on, if he could take a beating he could handle a few burns.

Jim saw the look in Leonard’s eyes when he’d dragged him out of the clinic. The silence that had followed said more than Leonard could have. Jim hung his head and followed Leonard across the campus back to their dorm.  _He thought I was flirting with her. Why can’t he see that I flirt with him? Maybe I should just forget about it, forget that I’m falling for him._

He sighed and looked up at Leonard. The other man a few steps ahead of him making his way through the crowds of people on their way to their various classes.  _But how can I forget my grump? Especially since I think I might love him._

Over the next few days Jim returned to the clinic to have Leonard change the dressings on his burns. He was very careful in the way he spoke to Kate while Leonard was anywhere near them. If she noticed the change in his behavior she didn’t say anything, for which Jim was grateful.

After his last trip to the clinic for a session under the dermal regenerator Jim began to notice that Leonard hadn’t been in the dorm as much. There were days that he never even slept in his bed and Jim would know since he waited up for him.  _Did I push him too far? Was it because of the accident or was it because he thought I was flirting? I wish he could see that I only flirt with him._

For the next week and a half Jim sulked around the campus from class to class. His head was mostly in the right place but his heart just wasn’t in it. He checked with Lieutenant Rogers on an almost daily basis just waiting for the day that Leonard decided to move out.

After taking yet another beating in his hand-to-hand combat class, his instructor escorted him to the clinic to get checked out. “You’d been doing better Kirk. What got into you?”

Jim shrugged and stared at the glossy tiles on the floor in the waiting area. Nurse Kate walked through the door and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him. “What happened?” She asked with a glance at his instructor.

“Rough class. Thought he’d better get checked out. Got hit on the head pretty hard.”

She nodded, “I’ll take him from here and his roommate will see he makes it home.”

Jim made a small noise at the mention of Leonard and stood to his feet. Kate took him by the arm and carefully led him back to one of the bays. She sat him down on the bed and turned to leave. “Doctor McCoy will be in to see you shortly.”

Jim looked up, “Actually is Doctor Wright available?”

She stopped and stared at him, “You must’ve hit your head. He’s not in today. Doctor McCoy is the only doctor available and it may be a little while, he’s been kind of busy today.”

“Oh, okay.”

Kate frowned a stepped towards him, “Are you alright Jim? You’re not your usual charming self.”

He shook his head, “Just have a headache is all. Thought maybe Doctor Wright could see me sooner.”

Kate smiled and patted him gently on the arm. “I’ll go see if Doctor McCoy can squeeze you in real quick.”

He nodded and she turned and walked away pulling the curtain closed behind her. Making her way across the floor she poked her head into the office. “Doctor McCoy?

“Mhmm…” He said, his eyes glued to the PADD in his hands.

“Jim’s here to see you again.”

Leonard looked up and groaned. “What now? I swear as soon as he’s better he goes and does something stupid again.”

“Hand-to-hand combat class. He looks pretty rough. Said he hit his head pretty hard and he has a headache.”

Leonard stood to his feet and walked to the door. “Please tell me he’s fully clothed.”

Kate shrugged. “He was when I left him.”

“Which bed?”

“Two.”

“Thanks Kate.” Leonard said before making his way over to the curtained bay. Pulling the curtain he stepped inside. “You look like hell.”

Jim stared straight ahead,  _Is he still mad at me? What did Kate tell him? He can’t know that I was so distracted thinking about him and that’s why I got pummeled._

“Jim?”

Leonard’s voice cut through his thoughts and he looked up to find a pair of hazel eyes staring at him. “Oh, hey Bones.”

“You okay Jim? You seem a little out of it.”

Jim nodded, “My head hurts.”

“I know, I’ll get you something for that and then we’ll get you fixed up. Kate said you were in your hand-to-hand combat class? Is it Wednesday already?”

Jim nodded again and stared up at the ceiling. Kate stepped in and Jim shifted uncomfortably on the bed while Leonard scanned him with the tricorder.

“Painkillers and a session with both the osteo regenerator and the dermal regenerator.”

“Yes Doctor.” She said before disappearing on the other side of the curtain.

Leonard set the tricorder down and crossed his arms over his chest. “Talk to me kid. What’s going on?”

Jim looked anywhere but at him.  _You. You’re going to leave me. Just like everyone else has. You’re going to leave me and I can’t even tell you I think I’m in love with you._

“Jim?” Leonard reached out and put a hand on his arm.

Jim looked up just as Kate walked back in with his painkillers.

“Here you are Doctor.”

He turned and took the tray from her, “Thanks Kate.”

She smiled and nodded before stepping out again. Leonard took the capsule from the tray and handed it and a glass of water to Jim. “Take this.”

Jim popped the capsule in his mouth and downed the glass of water. “Thanks.”

“Jim, what’s going on with you? I haven’t heard you make a smart remark in way too long.”

Jim shrugged and fidgeted with the bottom button on his uniform, “I’m fine. Just haven’t felt like it.”

“The hell you haven’t. What’s gotten into you?”

Jim slowly raised his head and looked at Leonard, a tear slipping down his bruised cheek. “Haven’t seen you enough to make a smart remark Bones. Haven’t seen you in days. I kind of miss having you around. You’re the only real friend I’ve got.” He rubbed his eyes and sniffled, “Are you moving out?”

_Please don’t go. I can’t lose you._

 


	8. Chapter 8

_Am I moving out? What kind of question is that? Kid must’ve hit his head harder than I thought._  “Why in god’s name would I move out?”

“You haven’t been around. I just assumed…”

“I’ve been pulling overtime here on top of classes. I’ve been busy.”

“You barely even come home to sleep.”

“Again, overtime and classes.”  _How the hell did he even notice that? He sleeps like a rock._

“So, you’re not avoiding me?” Jim whispered as Leonard got the osteo regenerator set up.

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“Promise?” Jim asked, pulling off his shirt and laying back.

“I promise. I’ve just been caught up in work. It happens. You know that.” Leonard took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he got the regenerator in place over Jim. He wanted to sit down next to Jim and hold his hand. He wanted to run his fingers through Jim’s hair. He wanted wipe the stray tears from Jim’s cheeks. He wanted to kiss the idiot, his idiot, and tell him “I’m just scared.”  _But Jim could never like you that way._  So, he stepped back and went back into ‘doctor mode’, asking, “Is it just a headache? No nausea, dizziness, blurred vision, sensitivity to light or noise, ringing in the ears?”

“Just a headache.”

“And did you lose consciousness?” Leonard looked down at the PADD Kate had brought in with the regenerators and painkillers.

“No.”

Leonard furrowed his eyebrows. Jim was still acting odd, despite his confession. And he didn’t have any of the other signs of a concussion. What had gotten into Jim?

“Bones,” Jim said causing Leonard to look up.

“Hm?”

“Are you alright?”

_No, of course I’m not alright. Why would I be? I’m falling for my idiot best friend and roommate. For a man who has no interest in me in that way. For a man I can’t have._

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Leonard nodded. “You, on the other hand, are not and are staying put until those ribs are done regenerating. I need to get back to work. I’ll have someone come in to use the dermal regenerator on that cut,” he gestured toward the cut on Jim’s jaw.

“Can’t you do it?”

“I have work to do. I assume you want Kate.” Leonard went to walk away when he felt a hand on his arm.

“I want you.”

_He doesn’t mean it like that._ “I’m flattered, but Kate is more than capable of using the dermal regenerator. Maybe you can finally ask her out.” Leonard pulled his arm away and walked off to the nurses’ station. “Kate, can you use the dermal regenerator on his cut?”

“Are you not feeling capable enough?” she teased, frowning when she noticed his scowl.

“Just do it,” he said before heading to the office, where he tried to focus on studying for his xenoanatomy exam only to have his mind drift to the way Jim had looked at him when he confessed to missing him. There was something in his eyes.  _No. You’re just desperate and imagining things. He doesn’t think of you that way._ Leonard groaned and sat back, looking up at the ceiling.  _Dammit, man, get your shit together._

Fifteen minutes later, he was once again attempting to focus on the notes in front of him when the door opened. “Jim, I’m working,” he said not looking up from his PADD.

“Boyfriend troubles?” Kate asked when the door closed behind her.

“For the last time, he’s not my boyfriend,” he muttered, glaring up at her.

“Ok, ok, no need to get grouchy.”

“I’m not being grouchy.”

“You’re always being grouchy.”

“Why are you here?” He sat back in the chair and looked at her.

“Your roommate is asking for you.”

“Did you tell him I’m busy?”

“Yes. He’s still asking for you.”

“Well, tell him again. Do you have anything else you need to talk to me about?”

“No. But I don’t think he’s going to take it well.”

“I don’t care,” Leonard said as dismissively as he could manage.  _I most definitely do care. Probably too much._  “Tell him when the regenerator is done, he’s free to go.”

“You really need to sort out your communication skills,” she said as she walked away.

Leonard opened his mouth to protest, but let out a sigh instead. She was right.


	9. Chapter 9

Jim laid in the bed staring up at the ceiling tiles waiting for Kate to bring Leonard to him. He’d asked her to go get him but she told him Leonard was busy.  _He was busy when she went after him the first time too. He came anyway._

While laying on the bed with nothing to keep him company but the hum of the machine working on his ribs his mind had wandered.  _He’s not moving out, he’s staying with me. He’s not avoiding me, he’s just busy. He’s a doctor. If they need his help, he’s going to help them._  He closed his eyes and repeated it over and over in his head.

“Jim?”

He opened his eyes again and found Kate standing beside him. “Is he coming?”

She sighed, “He’s busy Jim. He said…” she’s cut off by the curtain opening.

“Thank you Kate. I’ll take it from here.” Leonard said as he stepped over to the opposite side of the bed.

She nodded and smiled. “Yes Doctor.”

He watched her disappear through the curtain and picked up his tricorder. “Head feeling better?”

Jim looked up at Leonard.  _I’ve missed you. I’ve missed that grumpiness._ “Much. Ribs still hurt though.”

“You should be done in a few minutes. You’ll still be sore but at least they won’t be broken.”

“Bones?”

Leonard looked up from his tricorder, “Yeah Jim?”

“I’ve never really had a friend like you before. I was afraid I’d done something stupid and you weren’t coming back.”

Leonard set the tricorder down and looked at him. “Jim, I’ve just been busy here and with classes. Wright’s been out for a few days so I’ve been on my own here.”

Jim nodded, “I understand. I just thought I should tell you. I have a hard time with losing people I’m close too. I never knew my dad, my mom was always leaving me with my uncle, my brother left to go live with our grandparents and then there was Tarsus…” he trailed off and stared past Leonard.  _Why did I say that? I’ve never told anyone about Tarsus. About the things I saw, about the hunger, about the kids…_

“Jim?”

He blinked a few times and Leonard came back into focus.

“It’s okay Jim you don’t have to…”

Jim shook his head. “I think I need to.” He took a couple of deep breaths before spoke again. “My uncle sent me away while my mom was gone. It was not too long after I crashed my dad’s car, uncle Frank was pissed and didn’t want to have to deal with me so off I went. It wasn’t so bad at first but when the food supply started running low and we started going hungry things changed.”

Leonard pulled a stool over and sat down beside the bed. “How long were you there before…”

“About a month and half. I was in the square at the beginning of the massacre. Those that had been chosen had been notified the day before. No one knew what they were chosen for. They were marched into the square and killed. I saw them fall, men, women…children…”

Jim took a shuddering breath and shook his head. “None of them had done anything wrong. They were just deemed to be ‘less necessary’ than the rest. I saw children torn from their parents and led to slaughter. I saw children being pushed aside as their parents were taken from them.”

Leonard sat in silence listening to every word. The curtain parted and Kate poked her head in. He shook his head and waved her off. When she was gone he turned back to his friend. “How did you survive?”

A tear fell down Jim’s face, “I was on the list. I was suppose to die. I saw the governor watching over the executions and something inside me just clicked. I ran before they came for me, I hid in the trees. I heard the screaming and the crying coming from the square late into the night. I didn’t sleep for fear they’d find me.”

“But they didn’t.”

Jim shook his head, “No, and I made sure I wasn’t the only one they couldn’t find. I started sneaking around the square everyday and anytime I saw a child pulled away from their parents I did everything I could to help save that child. In the end I had hidden seven children and helped a few more get back to their parents. We all hid in the woods.”

“You hid seven children?”

“I didn’t just hide them Bones. I took care of them. They were my responsibility, I had saved them and I had to take care of them. I found food for them and I kept them safe until help arrived. I never saw my kids again after that. Most of them had been orphaned and were sent away. I went home to uncle Frank. My mother promised me she wouldn’t leave like that again, she promised me that she wouldn’t ever let uncle Frank send me away again.” He looked to Leonard, tears falling down his cheek and onto the white sheet beneath him.

 


	10. Chapter 10

_Well, shit. No wonder he was so freaked out._  “Have you talked to anyone about this before?” Leonard asked.

“No. I mean, I talked about it a little with my mom right afterwards, but after that, no.” Jim wiped the tears off his cheeks.

“No one? Not even one of the counselors?”

“No one. I kind of just shoved it down.”

“For ten years?”

Jim nodded.

Leonard pressed his lips together thoughtfully, trying to pick his next words as carefully as possible. “While I am not the posterchild for expressing one’s feelings and not suppressing them, I do realize how bad it is to do so. I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you trust me enough for that. And, Jim, I promise I’m not leaving.” Before he could continue, Kate poked her head in.

“Sorry to interrupt. Doctor, we have a situation with a patient in bed ten,” she said, looking indescribably apologetic.

“I’ll be there in a moment,” Leonard nodded and she hurried off.

“I suppose you have to get back to work now,” Jim sighed.

“I do. When the regenerator is done, someone will come over and check everything’s set then you’re free to go home.” Leonard took two steps away, about to pull back the curtain to leave, then paused and added, “I’ll be home at seven-thirty,” not even turning around before walking away.

Leonard was distracted for the rest of the day. Around six, he clocked out of his shift and headed to the library to study for a bit. He stopped at the mess just long enough to grab a quick bite to eat. As he looked over his creative writing assignment that was due the next day, his thoughts kept drifting back to Jim.  _He was genuinely scared I was going to leave. Scared. That I was going to leave._ Something just felt strange about the situation to Leonard and he sat back, looking up at the ceiling for a minute.  _That I was going to leave. Me. Why would I leave? I was the one who was ignoring him. If anyone was going to leave it should be him. But he wasn’t. He was staying._

Then it hit him. Jim was scared of people leaving. Leonard was used to people leaving. He didn’t like being left. Who does? But it was what he’d come to expect. It had crushed him when Jocelyn walked out, but he just told himself ‘you should have seen it coming.’ And all his friends from med school? Who knew what they were up to now. They had stopped calling. The only people who had really stuck around were his parents, sister, brother-in-law, and Joanna.  _But none of them really had a choice._  His parents were, well, his parents. Of course they would stick around. Same for Donna, and Fred just stuck around by default. And Joanna, god, he missed her. But she was his daughter and seven. She didn’t have much choice in sticking around.

And the more he thought about his expectation, the more he realized  _maybe it is a little bit my fault. Not Jocelyn leaving. No, she left on her own free will after vowing to stick around till death do us part._ He snorted little at the vow.  _Damn self-fulfilling prophecies._

With a sigh, he stood and gathered up his things, heading back to his dorm. When he walked in, Jim was sitting on his bed attempting to study, and thankfully wearing pants.

“How’re you feeling?” Leonard asked as he set his bag down.

“Still a little sore,” Jim answered gesturing toward his recently healed ribs.

“To be expected,” Leonard nodded as he started changing out of his scrubs and into a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“What about you?”

“What?” Leonard turned around incredibly confused.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fi–” Leonard cut himself off and sighed as he turned back around. “You’re not leaving.” It wasn’t quite a question, but it wasn’t quite a statement either.

“No. Why would I?” It was Jim’s turn to be confused.

“I haven’t been around. You were upset about it. And you’re not leaving.”

“You’ve been busy. You said so yourself. And you’re my best friend. You should know I’m harder to get rid of than that.”

Leonard snorted. “Pain in the ass level of hard to get rid of.”

“You like it though.”

_Yeah, I do. I like it more than you know._ “I tolerate it.” Leonard turned around and laid back on the bed, only now realizing how exhausted he was. “Jim, I am sorry about what happened.”

“On Tarsus four or you being busy?”

“Both. But I was referring to being busy. It was mostly out of my control, but I was also the one who kept accepting extra shifts instead of letting someone else take them.” Leonard let out a small sigh before looking over at Jim. “I’m taking this weekend off, so I’ll be around. We can do something if you’re not busy.”

Jim grinned. “I shouldn’t be too busy. I’m sure we can find something to do. Do you have any ideas?”

_I sure as hell do. I know exactly what I want to do._ Leonard groaned internally and looked back up at the ceiling.  _Dammit, stop thinking about him like that._  “I’ll leave it up to you. Though I reserve the right to say no. I’m not getting sucked into one of your crazy plans.”

“I’ll keep it legal,” Jim laughed.

Leonard cracked a small smile at the sound of Jim’s laugh. “You better.”  _I am not in love with him. I am not in love with him. I am not in love with him._

Leonard glanced over at Jim out of the corner of his eye for a moment.

_Fuck, it. I’m screwed._


	11. Chapter 11

In the days that followed, Jim and Leonard got back to life as usual. Classes, shifts at the clinic, studying, and Jim going pantsless more frequently than Leonard liked. Jim was happy that Leonard wasn’t going anywhere and he was going to continue with life as before. Though he did try to have something on when his roommate returned he didn’t always have warning.

A couple of months later Jim got back to the dorm just before Leonard, he was changing into a pair of sweatpants when he heard the bathroom door close. Turning he saw Leonard’s discarded bag beside the desk and heard the water turn on in the shower. Must have been a long day.

Jim settled onto his bed surrounded by his books and started studying for his diplomacy exam. Ten minutes later the bathroom door opened and Leonard emerged rubbing a towel on his hair. Jim looked up and watched him walk to his closet, his books lying forgotten in his lap.

“Uh…Bones?”

Leonard pulled a shirt and a pair of jeans out of the closet and threw them on the bed behind him before turning to face his roommate. “Yeah Jim?”

Don’t stare. “Did you forget something?” Don’t stare.

Leonard put his hands on his hips and gave a little shrug. “Like what?”

Jim opened his mouth to speak but shut it and shook his head. “Nevermind.” _I can’t believe he’s just standing there naked. Look at those biceps, those pecs, those abs, that… No! Don’t look at him! He’s not interested in you like that!_ Jim turned his attention back to his books but his mind kept returning to the naked form of his roommate. He cut his eyes over and watched as Leonard pulled his pants on his still damp legs. Jim could still see little droplets of water clinging to his skin.  _God is he beautiful! I knew he’d look great naked!_

Jim shook his head and looked back down at his books.

“I’m going to the mess want to come with me?”

_I’d follow you anywhere gorgeous._  “No thanks. I have to study for my diplomacy exam next week.”

“Okay, just be sure to eat at some point.” He said as he disappeared around the partition and out the door.

Jim sighed heavily and laid back on his bed and closed his eyes. He was never going to forget that image. Leonard McCoy naked and wet just standing there. That image was sure to stir something inside him.  _If only he felt the same way I do._

Leonard was making a habit of his afternoon showers while Jim was trying to study. He had also begun to shed his uniform the moment he stepped in the door. Apparently he did did this whether Jim was home or not since he walked in on his roommate standing naked in front of his closet on more than one occasion over the next few months.

At the beginning of their second year at the academy Leonard returned home a little later than usual. “Are you decent?”

Jim barely glanced up from his books. “Not morally, but I’m wearing pants, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Leonard grumbled something under his breath and disappeared into the bathroom. Staring at the closed door Jim shook his head.  _Don’t you know what you’re doing to me? Maybe you do. Or maybe you’ve just decided to give me a taste of my own medicine…_

He shook his head again and went back to his books trying to push the images of his roommate from his mind. A few minutes later the water shut off and Jim took a deep breath. He knew what was coming next. Sure enough the door opened and Leonard stepped out completely naked.

Steam poured out of the bathroom behind him and little droplets of water rolled down his chest and stomach. Leonard walked over to his closet, Jim’s eyes following his every movement. He picked up his towel and rubbed it on his hair before propping his foot on the edge of the bed and drying his leg off.

Jim swallowed hard and shifted on the bed.  _Is it just me or is it suddenly hot in here?_

Leonard rubbed the towel over his shoulders, across his chest, down his stomach, and…

Out of the corner of his eye Jim watched as Leonard finished toweling off, his heart racing like it hadn’t before and he was becoming acutely aware of the tightening at the front of his jeans. He shifted in his seat trying to hide his arousal from the other man. Leonard threw his clothes on and looked up at Jim. “You eaten?”

Jim shook his head trying to focus on the book in front of him, he didn’t trust his voice not to betray him.

“Damn it Jim! You didn’t eat breakfast either! You have to eat if you don’t want to pass out in class. I better not see you in the clinic this afternoon.”

Jim cleared his throat, “I’ll go when I finish this.”

“Yeah, well you better.” Leonard grumbled and walked around the partition.

Jim listened for the door and as soon as it closed he shoved the books away and unzipped his jeans. Pushing them down his hips he took his fully erect cock in his hand, precum already glistening on his head. Leaning back against the headboard of his bed he started moving his hand up and down, up and down, rubbing light circles over the tip, his other hand wandering down to his balls. “Leonard.” he breathed as the hand on his cock moved quicker. “Oh, Leonard.” he panted. A faint rustling reached his ears.  _He’s still here. I can hear him. Is he watching me?_

He picked up the pace more and let out a string of moans and whimpers. Hope he’s enjoying the show. “Oh!” He grunted as a thick white stream shot onto his stomach and t-shirt. On the other side of the partition he’d swear he heard Leonard whimper. Now you know just what you do to me. Maybe next time you’ll join me. He thought with a grin as he pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it toward the hamper.


	12. Chapter 12

_Why did I think eavesdropping was a good idea? It was quite possibly the stupidest thing I could have done. Fuck. I’m screwed. I’m definitely screwed._ Leonard waited a few minutes before opening and closing the door, hoping to make it sound like he was coming back in. “Are you, uh, are you sure you aren’t hungry? You really need to eat,” he asked, staying behind the partition, trying desperately to keep his voice steady.

“You go ahead. I’ll meet up with you there,” Jim answered.

“Ok,” Leonard nodded hoping Jim couldn’t tell how much he wasn’t acting like his usual self as he left.

It took about fifteen minutes sitting alone in the mess before Jim showed up acting like nothing had happened.  _Good, maybe he didn’t notice._

“Do you still have that bottle of bourbon in your closet?” Jim asked randomly.

“Hm?” Leonard blinked a few times, pulled from his blank stare.  _Since when were Jim’s eyes that blue?_

“I was asking if you still had any of that bourbon. My classes are killing me and I could use a drink.”

“Don’t you have your own alcohol to drink?”  _God, that smirk._

“I do, but yours is better.”

“Damn right it is.”

“Besides, by the look on your face, I think you need a drink too. And you can be a little snobby about your liquor.”

“It’s called having good taste.”

“And a little snobby.”

“Keep insulting me and my answer will be no.”

“That’s just mean.”

“And calling me snobby isn’t?”

“Would you prefer selective?”

“I’d prefer for you to shut up and eat.”

Jim laughed and rolled his eyes as he started eating.

When they got back to the dorm an hour later, Jim flopped down on his bed while Leonard got the bottle of bourbon out of his closet and poured them each some.

“You have to sit up to drink,” Leonard said holding out the glass he hadn’t just taken a drink from.

Jim pushed himself up and took the glass. The two of them sat on their respective beds looking at each other, neither sure what to say.

“So, how are your classes going?” Leonard asked awkwardly after a few minutes.

“Good. Stressful. The usual. Yours?” Jim answered.

“Same.”

“Any interesting stories from the clinic?”

“I had to talk to a now expelled cadet that sticking drugs in his ass isn’t a good choice. Neither is doing drugs, but that was a bit beside the point.”

Jim looked somewhere between horrified and intrigued. “Like in his ass, or like  _in_ his ass?”

Leonard laughed. “ _In_  his ass. He told Kate and she apparently asked the same question. And then told him that she wasn’t getting it out of there for him.”

“Did he get it out?”

“Yes, the officer wasn’t too thrilled she had to take a bag of neurotropan that had been in someone’s ass, but he got it out somehow before she arrested him.”

“Do I want to know why he stuck it there in the first place?”

“Apparently he was worried about getting arrested for possession of neurotropan when an officer was stopping by his dorm for ‘disturbing the peace’.”

“So, he shoved it up his ass?”

“Pretty much.”

“People are weird.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“I don’t go shoving drugs up my ass.”

“I hope you are neither in possession of drugs nor shoving anything up your ass.”

Jim laughed and  _god I could listen to that sound forever._

About an hour and a half later, they had stashed away the good whiskey and moved onto Jim’s cheaper stuff having resigned themselves to just getting drunk that night. Leonard was just starting on his fourth drink and in the back of his mind he was thinking how he should slow down before he said or did something he would regret.

“By the way, is that intern still hitting on you?” Jim asked, tipping his glass back and swallowing the last of his whiskey before laying down and looking over at Leonard.  _And was that jealousy in his voice?_

“No, she’s finally stopped. Either that or I’ve mastered the art of ignoring it,” Leonard shrugged.

“I hope it’s the former.”

“Me too, kid. Me too. Kate hasn’t made any comments pointing out that Emily was supposedly flirting with me, so I’m assuming she’s stopped.”

“Kate may have just gotten tired of pointing out your obliviousness.”

“I’m not oblivious.”

Jim leaned up on his elbows and gave Leonard a look that can only be described as ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ “Bones, you wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with you if it was written on their forehead.”

“I’m not that bad. I figured out you were flirting with me.” The moment the words left his lips, Leonard was repeating  _fuck_ in his head, panicking.

Jim raised an eyebrow. “And how long did it take you to figure that out?”

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._  “I, uh, um…” Leonard stammered looking anywhere but at Jim.

“Or when did you figure it out?” Jim sat up, turning to face Leonard properly.

_Shit_. Leonard looked down at the whiskey in his glass, resisting the urge to drink it all in one gulp. His heart was pounding so hard he was scared that Jim could hear it. Well, really he was just scared in general, hence the pounding heart.

“Bones,” Jim said slowly. Nervously.

“Hm?” Leonard couldn’t get his brain to form any coherent response.

“I haven’t been misinterpreting things, right? Like, I feel like I’m pretty good at figuring people out but I can be wrong sometimes. Am I wrong?”

Leonard looked up and  _seriously, how are his eyes that blue?_  “No, you’re not,” he whispered.

“And I assume you know I feel the same way.”

Leonard nodded mumbling, “Shouldn’t though,” before taking a long drink.

“Why not?”

“Seriously? You can’t figure out why?”

“Obviously not.”

“You’re 24. I’m 30.”

“Congratulations, you know how old we are. I don’t see your point.”

“I have an ex-wife and child.”

“Again, I’m still missing what your point is.”

Leonard sighed and looked back down at the contents of his glass. “You can do better than me.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“This bourbon sucks,” Leonard said abruptly as he stood and walked over to the kitchenette. He knocked back the rest of his drink and set the glass on the counter.

“Yet you drink the rest of what’s in your glass.”

“I’m not wasting alcohol.” He kept his back to Jim.

“I really don’t think I can do better than you.”

“You can. I promise.”

“No, I can’t. And I really don’t understand why you think I can.”

Leonard’s shoulders slumped as he gripped the edge of the counter. “I got left by my ex-wife because I wasn’t around enough for her apparently. I left my six-year-old with my sister and her husband and joined Starfleet, despite having aviophobia. You can do better than that. You deserve better than that.”

Jim’s bed squeaked as he got up and walked over to Leonard. “No, I really can’t do better than that. And who are you to decide what I deserve?” He leaned against the counter, facing Leonard.

“Jim…”

“If you really don’t like me this way, in the more than friends way, then say so. I can deal with rejection. God knows I’ve been putting up with it virtually my entire life.”

Leonard turned, keeping his gaze focused on Jim’s shoulder. “I do like you in the ‘more than a friend’ way.”

“Then what’s the issue? We both feel the same way about each other.”

“Dammit, Jim,” Leonard sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

“How is it not that simple? It seems pretty simple to me.”

The room was silent for a minute as he gathered his thoughts before turning away and looking down at the counter. “Jocelyn was one of my best friends. I mean, they always say marry your best friend, and I pretty much did. Then she walked out. You’re my best friend, kind of my only friend.”

“You’re scared,” Jim said, not even the slightest hint of a question in his voice.

Leonard hesitated and nodded. Then Jim had his arms around him in a vaguely awkwardly positioned hug.

“You can be scared. I’m not offended,” Jim said gently.

After another moment of hesitation, Leonard turned wrapped his arms around Jim tightly. Damn, did it feel right to have Jim in his arms.“You don’t get offended by much.”

“Get rejected enough at bars and you develop a tolerance for people trying to offend you.” Jim pulled back far enough to grin at Leonard and the doctor couldn’t help but crack a small smile back.

Leonard’s eyes flickered to Jim’s lips for a moment.

“I feel like I’m in one of those cheesy romance movies,” Jim commented, still grinning.

“And you say that because?”

“Because I was going to ask if I can kiss you.”

Leonard stared at him wide-eyed, too shocked to answer for a moment, then nodded. Jim leaned in and pressed his lips to Leonard’s. It took a few seconds for Leonard to relax and by the time he was relaxed, Jim was already pulling away. Whether what happened next was because of the whisky or just an entirely subconscious decision, Leonard didn’t care. He put one hand on the back of Jim’s neck and pulled the blonde back into a kiss.  _It just felt right._


	13. Chapter 13

It must be a dream. There’s no way this was actually happening. Leonard H. McCoy had pulled him into a kiss and what a kiss it was. Leonard’s thumb rubbed small circles on the back of his neck and he shifted his arms around Leonard’s waist. _You don’t know how bad I’ve wanted this. How long I wanted to be right here, in your arms._

Jim’s hands slipped under the hem of Leonard’s shirt, his warm smooth skin felt like heaven beneath his fingers. Jim slowly and carefully pulled Leonard’s shirt up, breaking the kiss only long enough to remove the shirt entirely. Jim leaned in and kissed Leonard’s collarbone and slowly made his way up his neck. Leonard ran a hand down Jim’s arm and intertwined their fingers.

Jim smiled and rubbed his free hand along Leonard’s abs and up to his chest. While he may not be a fan of working out, Leonard certainly was in shape. Jim splayed his fingers across the side of Leonard’s neck and nipped at the base of his neck. Leonard let out a noise Jim had never heard come from the other man before.

Jim pressed up against him and pinned him against the counter. Leonard’s free hand found its way to Jim’s hair and he gently tugged his head back. Jim looked him in the eye and grinned. The look in the man’s eyes was one he’d seen before. A look of lust.  _Maybe a little drunk too. Am I taking advantage of him? Am I pushing him too far?_

Before he had time to act on his thoughts Leonard pushed him back against the desk. Jim let out a squeak as his thigh hit the edge of the table. Leonard stared at him and grabbed the bottom of his shirt, pulling it off he leaned into him and kissed him hard. Jim placed his hands on Leonard’s chest and pushed him back gently.

“Bones, what are we doing? Something about this feels wrong… I really like you as more than a friend but you’re kind of drunk. I don’t want to take advantage of you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I may be a little buzzed kid but I am not drunk. I know exactly what I’m doing here.”

“I don’t want you to wake up in the morning and regret this. I don’t want to hurt you and I sure don’t want to lose you.”

Leonard growled slightly, “Am I gonna have to shut you up?”

Jim shook his head. “I’m just making sure we’re not making a mistake. Things could get awfully messy if we…”

Leonard planted his lips on Jim’s and pulled him closer to him. Jim groaned and slid his hands down Leonard’s sides, stopping at his blue jean covered hips. When the kiss broke this time is was Leonard’s doing as he reached down and undid the button on his jeans.

“Leonard are you really sure about this? We can still stop. It’s not too late. Chalk it up to too much whiskey and stress from classes.”

Leonard wrapped his fingers around Jim’s wrist and placed his hand directly over the growing bulge in his jeans. “Little too late for that Jim.”

Jim looked down at his hand and slowly rubbed his palm against the bulge. Leonard’s breath hitched as Jim applied just a little pressure as he rubbed.

Gently pushing Leonard back against the counter he unzipped the fly of his jeans and hooked his fingers in the waistband. Looking into his eyes the other man gave a slight nod and Jim pulled his pants down.

Getting down on his knees in front of him he placed a hand on Leonard’s hip and with the other he ran a finger down the length of his straining erection.

Leonard groaned and grabbed Jim’s hair. He grabbed the waistband of his boxer briefs and pulls them down as well. Leonard’s cock springing free and standing erect in front of him. Now that he was up close and wasn’t trying to hide his admiration of Leonard’s cock, he ran his finger along the underside of his penis.

Feeling him shudder he looked up to find Leonard looking down at him. He wrapped his hand around the shaft and kissed the tip. Sliding his hand up and down his cock, his other hand moved from Leonard’s hip to his ass cheek. He twisted his hips a little and nipped at his hip as he tugged lightly on his cock. Leonard groaned and braced a hand on the counter.

Jim kissed him from one hip to the other, nipping at his skin between kisses. Leonard’s hand remained firmly in Jim’s hair while the blonde’s hand moved slowly, almost torturously, on his cock.

“Jim.”

It was quiet. Not quite a whisper.

It wasn’t desperate.

It was a plea. It was longing. It was exactly what Jim wanted. Someone that wanted him like he wanted them.

He looked up at Leonard’s face as he kissed the tip of his cock again. The man let out a growl and his grip on Jim’s hair tightened. Keeping his eyes on Leonard’s face he wrapped his lips around his throbbing dick. The warm wetness of Jim’s mouth and the way he moved his tongue over the most sensitive spots nearly made Leonard come unglued.

Jim squeezed his ass cheek and took more of him into his mouth. Leonard’s dick touching the back of his throat before he even had the full length in his mouth. Leonard grunted quietly and  taking his hand from Jim’s hair braced himself against the counter. Jim’s free hand moved from the base of Leonard’s cock to his balls. Humming his approval he gave them a gentle squeeze making Leonard moan his name.

Jim sucked on his cock like it was a lollipop. Licking from base to tip, swirling his tongue over the sensitive tip. It was when he took the head into his mouth and sucked hard that Leonard finally lost it and came in Jim’s mouth.

Looking up at Leonard he smiled.  _He is so gorgeous like this._

Leonard stood panting, leaning against the counter while Jim stood to his feet. He stepped out of his clothes and took Jim by the hand. Silently he walked over to the beds. Leaning in he kissed Jim on the side of the neck and made his way up to a spot just behind his ear. Sucking on the skin there while his fingers found and quickly undid Jim’s pants.

Jim groaned at feeling of Leonard touching him. _I love these hands._

Turning Jim around to face the bed he stepped up behind him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, the other slipping around his waist and down the front of his pants. Jim shifted his hips a little feeling Leonard’s cock against his ass. Leonard’s fingers raked across his cock and sent a shiver down his spine. Leonard pulled him back closer to him and Jim laid his head back on Leonard’s shoulder.  _For so long I’ve wanted to feel those fingers on my cock. Even his hands are amazing!_

Leonard released his grip and pulled Jim’s pants and underwear down. Stepping out of them Jim turned and placed his hands on Leonard’s waist. Looking down between them he grinned, his cock was already hard and from the look of things Leonard would be again soon. Leonard kissed him and gently pushed him back on the bed.

Staring down at the naked blonde on his bed he licked his lips and brushed his fingers on Jim’s thigh. Jim groaned as the fingers made their way up to his hip. Moving slowly Leonard straddled his thighs and leaned down to kiss his chest.  _He’s perfect. These arms._  He rubbed his hands along Leonard’s arms and to his shoulders.  _These shoulders._

Leonard nipped at his collarbone and sucked on that spot behind his ear.  _I never knew that spot existed until he found it! God it feels good!_  He groaned as their cocks brushed against each other. Leonard nipped at little harder than before telling Jim he felt it too. Jim’s hands splayed across Leonard’s shoulders and pulled him down closer to him.

Leonard’s weight on top of him felt so good he never wanted to let him go.  _I could stay like this forever._  The sensation of their cocks rubbing against each other had them both groaning. Leonard shifted and began trailing kisses from his neck, down his chest, across his stomach, and stopping just above his cock. Jim’s cock twitched as Leonard’s hands rubbed from his hips down his thighs before stopping on his knees. He hooked his arms under Jim’s knees and pulled him to the edge of the bed.

“Stay.” He said almost in a growl. Jim laid on the bed and watched him walk over to his bedside table. He rummaged around in the drawer before he pulled out a green bottle with black and gold lettering. Jim raised an eyebrow. “How’d you know…”

Leonard turned and smirked.  _That cocky little shit. He’s been in my stuff. Tells me to stay out of his stuff and then goes digging in mine. At least he got the good stuff and not that shit he keeps in his drawer._  Leonard flipped the top open and squeezed some of the contents into his hand. As he walked back over to the end of his bed he took his cock in his hand and began spreading the gel from base to tip. Standing in front of Jim, he squeezed a little more onto his finger and reached down between the blonde’s legs. Jim gasped when Leonard eased his finger inside him.

_I can’t believe we’re actually doing this! His hands….god I love his hands_. Jim’s fingers grabbed onto the standard issue sheets as Leonard slowly worked his finger in and out of Jim’s ass. Squeezing a bit more out of the green bottle Leonard added a second finger making Jim squeak a little.

Leonard stopped and looked up him. Jim shook his head. “You’re fine, keep going.” _I am not about to tell him I’ve never done this before. I don’t want to scare him…_

Leonard kept his eyes on Jim’s face as he continued slowly pumping his fingers in and out, his other hand rubbing Jim’s inner thigh. Jim looked up at him and moaned when Leonard’s fingers brushed against his prostate. Leonard smirked and did it again making Jim’s hands grab onto the sheets tighter. “Bones.” He breathed. “Please…”

Leonard stops and looks down at him, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jim shook his head and gave him a reassuring smile, “You could never hurt me.”

Leonard slipped his hand under Jim’s leg and pulled it up so his foot rested on his shoulder. Taking his fingers away, he grabbed the bottle and squeezed a little more into his palm. Jim reached down and stroked his cock while he watched Leonard applying the gel to his own. Leonard took a step forward and lined himself up with Jim. Jim took a deep breath and Leonard eased the tip of his cock into Jim’s tight ass.

“Fuck!” Jim says inhaling sharply.  _He’s bigger than he looks._

Leonard smirked and patted his shin. “I’m getting there, you just have zero patience.”

“How do you expect me to be patient with you teasing me like that?”

“Shut up already.” He said as he pushed himself in a little further. Jim groaned and his eyelids fluttered.  _God he’s big!_

Leonard’s hand moved his hand up to Jim’s ankle and rubbed it lightly. “You sure you’re okay Jim?”

_Shit! Did I make a face or something?_  “I’m fine. Just need more lube.” he said, his voice a little strained.

Leonard grabbed to bottle from the bed and applied more of the gel before pulling out a little and easing himself back in a little further. Jim’s grip on the sheets tightened his knuckles turned white, and his eyes shut tight. Suddenly Leonard was gone. Jim opened his eyes and looked up at Leonard.

Leonard’s hazel eyes stared down at him with an all too familiar expression.  _Shit, I know I did it that time._ “I’m fine Leonard, really I am. I’m just…”

Leonard shook his head, “No Jim. You’re not just. I know what pain looks like and that  sure as hell was it.”  He shifted Jim’s leg from his shoulder and stepped back from him. “I told you I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Jim propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at him.  _What can I do? What can I say?_  “Leonard, You didn’t hurt me. I promise you. I’m just not used to…someone so…with a…”  _Fuck why can’t I find the right words?!_

“You’ve never had sex with another guy before.”

Jim sat up on the bed and stared at a point somewhere over Leonard’s shoulder and shook his head slowly. “No.” he said almost in a whisper.

Leonard crossed his arms over his chest, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Thought we’d figure it out as we went.” he said with a shrug.

“Dammit, Jim! What the hell?! That’s not something you keep to yourself, you need to tell people these things!”

“You sure seemed to know what you were doing.”

Leonard sighed heavily, “I’m a doctor! I know things you don’t! And I  _was_  married once!”

Jim stood to his feet and stepped toward him. “Leonard, if this is something we really want, and I think it is, then there are other things that can help. There are other things we can do.”

Leonard shook his head a little, “I don’t know Jim.”

Jim placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder, “You said you knew what you were doing. You said you wanted this. You know I want this…”

“Jim…”

“Shut up and listen to me! Let me handle this! Give me a little time and we’ll try this again. Please Bones. You know how I feel and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way. If you didn’t then you wouldn’t have let me go down on you like that.”

Leonard’s cock twitched at the memory of a short while ago. Jim smirked and rubbed his hand over Leonard’s bicep. “Please Bones?”

Leonard sighs, “Alright. Just please don’t show up in the clinic after another one of your dumb ideas. If you’re going to do something dumb let me know beforehand so I can supervise the stupidity.”

Jim cracked a smile and reached for Leonard’s hand. Leonard shook his head as Jim intertwined their fingers and gently pulled him back to his bed. Jim laid down on the bed and Leonard climbed in beside him. Jim wrapped an arm around him and Leonard ran his hand through Jim’s hair. “Night kid.”

“Night Bones.”

Jim closed his eyes and smiled.

A few weeks later Jim walked out of a plain looking brown building with a large paper bag in his hand and the biggest grin on his face. He’d told Leonard he would take care of the problem and he had every intention of doing so. He’d visited the shop a couple of times the week after Leonard discovered he was technically a virgin, had purchased a few new toys, and had made a special order. He’d managed to secretly get the measurements and had dropped them off a little over a week and a half ago. Package in hand, he happily walked down the street toward the dorms pulling his comm out as he walked.

“Leonard, Are you free?”

_“What did you do now?”_

“Nothing. I just wondered if you were done at the clinic.”

_“We’re swamped right now Jim. There’s a bad case of cappelan fever going around. It’ll be a late night.”_

“I won’t wait up then.”

_“Good cause you’ve got that sim coming up and you need to sleep if you’re gonna pass it.”_

He flipped the comm shut and hooked it back on his belt as he stepped into the dorm. Dropping the paper bag and it’s contents on his roommate’s bed he proceeded to strip his clothes off. He pulled the nightstand drawer open and pulled out the little green bottle. Laying on his bed he propped his pillows up behind him and got comfortable.  _He’s missing out on all the fun. His loss._

It was only a couple of hours later when Leonard walked into the dorm room and stepped around the partition. He stopped dead at the sight before him, Jim fully naked sitting on the floor with his back against Leonard’s bed. “What are you doing?”

Jim jumped, “Bones! I didn’t hear you come in…”

“I repeat, what are you doing?”

Jim blushed and rose slowly from the floor. A large flesh colored dildo with pink and purple spots on it flopped to the floor beneath him. Leonard’s eyebrow went up,“What the hell is that?”

“Something I picked up today.”

Leonard shook his head, “Don’t you have enough toys?”

Jim smirked, “Not like this one. This one is special.”

“How so?”

Jim stepped over to him, “I had this one made especially for me.”

“Do I want to know why?”

Jim’s hands found their way to Leonard’s hips and he pulled him closer, “Does it look familiar?”

Leonard glanced at the object on the floor and shook his head again, “Should it?”

“It’s modeled after yours.”

Leonard stared at it for a minute and then took a step back. “How did you….Why is it….Wait, did you have that whole thing….?”

Jim nodded, “Does it matter, didn’t pick it, and yes I did.”

Leonard looked from him to the spotted dick on the floor, “Thought it was custom made? Why’s it look diseased? You got something you want to tell me?”

“Not unless there’s something you want to tell me. I have a better question though… Do you have to go back to the clinic tonight?”

He leaned forward and kissed Leonard on the neck just above the collar of his cadet uniform. Leonard put an arm around him and stared at the thing on the floor. “Seriously Jim. That thing…it’s just so…”

Jim pulled away from him and sighed. “If it bothers you that much I can put it away.”

Leonard grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back, “Tell me something, how did it feel?” he asked with a low growl.

_God I love it when he does that._ “It felt good, Bones. It felt really good.”

Leonard’s hand moved down Jim’s side from his waist to his hip and then….”Oh!” Jim squeaked.

Leonard grinned and sucked on Jim’s neck just above his collarbone. “The real thing feels even better.”

Jim shuddered at his touch and smiled. “Prove it.”

No sooner had he gotten the words out then Leonard had pushed him back into the bed and begun removing his own clothes. Jim watched as he shed each layer and grinned when Leonard pushed his pants and underwear down.  _Did that turn him on? It must have… I should do that more often._

Leonard grabbed the green bottle from the floor and before Jim had time to think Leonard was already pressing himself into him. Jim’s fingers clutched at the sheets as Leonard pushed himself farther in with a groan. “God Jim you feel so good!”

“So do you Bones.” He managed to say as Leonard pulled him closer to the edge of the bed. “Worth the wait.”

Leonard nodded and pulled back before thrusting into him. Jim groaned and reached for any part of Leonard his hands could find. Leonard placed a hand on Jim’s thigh and Jim grabbed on intertwining their fingers. “Sorry, I didn’t tell you about the…”

Leonard thrusted into him a little harder and he moaned loudly interrupting him mid-sentence. “Shut up Jim or I’ll show you what you can do with that pretty little mouth of yours.”

Jim smirked, “Is that a threat or a promise?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Seven year later**

Leonard woke up that morning to an arm wrapped tightly around his bare waist and a face pressed against the space between his shoulder blades.  _God, it felt like sleeping with a furnace._  He blinked a few times, squinting at the artificial sunlight streaming through the window. Looking down at the arm around his waist, the corners of his mouth twitched. He carefully turned over, smiling when Jim let out a whine and tighten his grip on his fiancé.  _Fiancé. Well, at least for the next nine hours._  Glancing over Jim’s shoulder at the alarm clock, Leonard let out a small sigh.

“Jim,” Leonard whispered shaking the blonde a little.

Jim let out another whine, tightening his hold on Leonard and curling up tighter.

“You need to wake up.”

“No.”

“Can I get up?”

“No.”

Leonard sighed, rolling onto his back, consequently dragging Jim over with him. “You have to wake up at some point.”

“‘m awake,” Jim mumbled.

“Purely by technicality.”

“Why’re you trying to wake me up anyway?”

“Have you forgotten what today is?”

“Saturday, and you’re not supposed to wake me up on Saturdays.” Jim lifted his head just enough to look at Leonard, squinting with a small frown on his face.

Leonard snorted silently as he pushed Jim’s hair off his forehead fondly. “Really? It’s just Saturday?”

Jim thought for a minute, then smiled and leaned forward, kissing Leonard. “No, it’s not just Saturday.”

“So, can we get up now?”

Jim frowned again, glancing at the alarm clock. “Not yet. I’m still sleepy.”

“Can  _I_ get up?”

“Why?”

“Because I need to pee.”

With a sigh, Jim rolled over, letting go of Leonard. When Leonard returned from using the bathroom, Jim was sprawled out on the bed nearly asleep again.  _How I never end up on the floor, I’ll never know._

“Jim, you have to get up.”

Jim groaned and buried his face in his pillow.

“Come on.” Leonard pulled the covers back and Jim glared tiredly at him. “Oh, don’t give me that look. You’re supposed to be leaving in an hour to get ready.”

“How come I’m the one who has to leave?”

“Because I’m the one whose daughter is sleeping in the other room.”

“She’s my daughter too.”

“Not legally yet,” Leonard said, then sighed, “In either sense.”

Jim sat up and moved closer to where Leonard stood next to the bed. “She will be. No court is going to uphold her parental custody after she walked out and had no contact with her child beyond generic birthday cards for ten years.”

“I know.”

“God, I’m going to be someone’s dad.” Jim flopped back on the bed, legs still hanging off the edge.

“You kind of already are. It’s just not legally yet. Now get up.” With that, Leonard walked of the room and to the kitchen.

After a few minutes, while he stood in front of the stove making pancakes, he felt Jim wrapped his arms around him from behind and rest his stubbly chin on his shoulder.

“Making enough for the rest of us?” Jim asked.

“Of course. I’m not mean,” Leonard answered.

“I beg to differ on occasion. Your bedside manner can leave something to be desired.”

“My bedside manner is fucking fantastic. You’re just a pain in the ass.”

“The pain in the ass you’re going to be married to.”

“Because you’re my pain in the ass.”

Jim smiled pressing his face into Leonard’s neck.

“You have your razor packed, right?” Leonard asked, picking up his mug of coffee from the counter and taking a sip.

“Mmhm,” Jim hummed.

“Just to be clear, I’m not making you coffee.”

Jim frowned a little and pressed his lips to Leonard’s neck. “Even if I kiss you?” he asked when he pulled back far enough to look at his fiancé’s face.

Leonard looked at him out of the corner of his eye, raising one eyebrow. “Even if you kiss me with your morning breath.”

The blonde gave him a small glare, then moving away and fixing himself a cup of coffee. He leaned against the counter next to the stove, grinning at Leonard over the edge of his coffee mug.

“You’re staring,” Leonard said without taking his eyes off of the pancakes he was flipping.

“You’re not even looking at me,” Jim answered a little confused.

Leonard glanced over at him. “I’m a parent. I have a sixth sense. And I’ve been around you long enough to sense when you’re staring. Why are you staring?”

“Can I not appreciate the handsome man I’m marrying?”

“I wasn’t complaining.”

“I’d be concerned if you were.” Jim moved closer, putting one arm around Leonard.

Leonard put his free arm around Jim’s waist and looked over at the blonde leaning against him, grinning.

“Leonard McCoy is smiling. This is front page news,” Jim laughed.

“Hey, I smile all the time.”

“Exaggeration.”

“I smile when you aren’t being a pain.”

“So, about five percent of the time.”

“Ten on a good day.”

“Is today a good day?”

Leonard laughed. “Behave and it might be a great day.”

“I’ll do my best.” Jim winked his slowly moved his hand lower.

“Grabbing my ass when Jo could walk in at any moment is not behaving.”

Jim pouted and Leonard rolled his eyes. He let out a small sigh before leaning down and giving the blonde a quick kiss.

“Yeah, you taste like coffee and morning breath,” Leonard said as he turned back to the griddle in front of him.

“Sure you aren’t just tasting your own coffee and morning breath?”

“Keep sassing me and you can figure out your own breakfast.”

“Sorry, Schnookums,” Jim teased kissing Leonard’s cheek.

“No.”

“How about Pumpkin?”

Leonard didn’t answer.

“Or Sweet cheeks?”

“One more word and you’re not getting any pancakes.”

Jim pretended to think for a minute, then grinned. “Bones. Do I still get pancakes now?”

“I suppose.”

A few minutes later, Leonard was pinned against the counter with Jim’s lips on his, fingers tangled in blonde hair.

“God, Daddy,” Joanna said from the doorway, nose wrinkled up by the scene in front of her.

Jim and Leonard pulled apart and looked over at her.

“Yes, Jo?” Leonard asked.

“Can you two not make out in the middle of the kitchen?”

“You do realize you’re going to have to see us kiss several times today?” Jim asked, clearly very amused by Joanna’s expression.

“I plan on looking away every time, Dad,” she answered as if it were obvious.

“Oh, do you now?” Leonard laughed.

She narrowed her eyes at him, trying not to crack a smile.

~

“Jo, you really don’t need all that,” Leonard said from the bathroom doorway in the hotel room they were getting ready in as he watched Joanna apply even more makeup.

“I want to look nice, Daddy,” she frowned.

“You already look stunning.”

She froze, looking at her reflection and frowning.

“Joanna, what’s wr–” Leonard was cut off by a knock on the door. With a sigh, he went and answered it, confused when he saw Nyota standing there. “What are you doing here? I thought you were helping keep an eye on Jim.”

“Yeah, Jim’s freaking out,” Nyota answered.

“We agreed we weren’t going to see each other until the ceremony.”

“I think you need to trash that plan.”

He hesitated, looking between Joanna and Nyota.

“I can stay with her.”

“Can you help her with the makeup? Donna tried, and wasn’t very successful,” he whispered as he stepped aside to let Nyota into the room.

“Will do.”

“Jo, I need to go deal with something. Nyota’s staying with you,” he called over his shoulder, walking out the door after receiving a nod. He walked down the hall to Jim’s room and knocked on the door.

“Oh, thank god. He’s locked himself in the bathroom,” Winona said ushering Leonard into the room.

“Can y’all give us a minute?” he asked.

Spock, Chekov, Sam, and Winona walked outside, leaving Leonard alone in the room. He went to the bathroom door and knocked lightly.

“Jim, Nyota said you’re panicking,” Leonard said gently.

“I told her not to get you. I just need a minute,” Jim answered, the panic evident in his tone.

“Well, I’m here now. So will you talk to me?”

“I’m fine. Really.”

“No, you’re not. I don’t have to see your face to know that.”

Jim was silent for a few minutes, and Leonard leaned his head against the doorframe.

“What are we even doing, Leonard?” Jim said so softly that had Leonard not been paying attention, he probably wouldn’t have heard it.

“Getting married. Like you asked to do after Krall.”

“Do you want to?”

Leonard let out a short laugh in surprise. “God, of course, I do, Jim. Why would you think otherwise? Why would you ever think that?”

“You said you never wanted to remarry.”

“When?” Leonard racked his brain, trying to remember.

“The first, and only, time I tried to set you up on a date.”

“Eight years ago? I was in a very different place then. I had just had the mother of my child walk out on us. Like hell did I want to risk going through that again.”

“But you are.”

“I’m sure this time.”

“Weren’t you sure last time?”

“Yes, but I was young. I didn’t have Jo. I was infatuated. Not in love. I was in love with the idea of being a husband and dad.”

“You’re sure this time?”

“I’m completely sure.”

“How do you know?”

“Are you getting cold feet?”

“No! Maybe. No, no, I’m not. I…I just…I don’t know.” Jim let out a heavy sigh.

“What are you scared of?”

“You freaking out and wanting to leave.”

“Have I left before? Over seven years, have I left you once?”

“No.”

“Then what makes you think I’d leave now?”

“I don’t know. See, this is the problem. This is why I didn’t want Nyota to go get you. I don’t know why I’m freaking out about this.”

“I’m about to be your husband. I’m supposed to be around for these things.”

Jim went silent, then whispered, “Can I see you? I know we agreed…”

“Yes,” Leonard cut him off.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Now open the door.”

Jim opened the bathroom door, the corners of his mouth twitching when he saw Leonard.

“Don’t you clean up nice,” Leonard grinned.

“Could say the same for you.”

“C’mere.” Leonard gestured Jim closer as he took a step toward the blonde.

Jim moved closer and wrapped his arms around Leonard, resting his forehead against the doctor’s shoulder. Leonard rested one hand in the middle of Jim’s back, the other on the back of the blonde’s neck.

“Technically you aren’t actually looking at me,” Leonard said.

“You knew what I meant.”

“I’m teasing. I am capable of making jokes, you know.”

“You’re not as good at them as me.”

“Never claimed to be.”

After a few minutes, they pulled apart. Leonard kissed Jim’s cheek before heading back to his room.

~

“Jim, you are quite possibly the most frustrating, stubborn, impulsive man I have ever met, and somehow, you managed to worm your way into my heart. And there is rarely a moment that goes by that I regret letting you do that. You didn’t think twice about the fact I have a child. She is a part of the package deal and you took it, no questions asked. For as terrible at boundaries as you were, and still are, it did force me to get a clue. I promise to supervise your stupidity, as much as I try to discourage it every time. I promise to stand by your side no matter how much you piss me off, to love you even when I hate you. I promise to patch you up when you do something stupid and hypo your ass when you’re sick, or I’m annoyed with you. Never doubt for one second that I love you because I can promise you I love you more than either of us can comprehend. Never believe for one second that I would ever leave. You’re stuck with me now, and I’m stuck with you. And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Leonard read, smiling at Jim and giving the blonde’s hand a small squeeze.

“Leonard, I know I can be a royal pain in the ass but I will always be your pain in the ass. You know me better than anyone, sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. You know my secrets, you know my fears, and you’ve been by my side holding my hand through some of my darkest days. If it wasn’t for you then I wouldn’t be standing here today. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me. I promise to love you, even when you’re telling me that something is a dumb idea. I promise to tell you all of my dumb ideas. I promise to let you jab me with hypos when necessary. And I promise that you’re not getting rid of me.” Jim rubbed his thumb over Leonard’s knuckles, then turned to look at Joanna. He gestured her forward until she was standing next to Leonard instead of behind him. He grinned at her, then said, “Joanna, my little Jo-Jo, I have loved you from the moment I saw your picture. That little girl with those beautiful eyes and dark hair stole my heart. I will always be here for you if you need to talk, a shoulder to cry on, or if someone hurts you in any way. I will beat the crap out of them.”

Leonard gave Jim a slightly pointed look, clearing his throat and shaking his head.

“I love you Joanna and I am proud to become a part of your family.”

…

“You may kiss the groom,” Admiral Pike said.

Jim grinned and pulled Leonard closer, planting his lips firmly on the doctor’s. Admiral Pike jokingly put his right hand over Jo’s eyes, which she quickly swatted away. Leonard smiled, putting his arms around Jim as the blonde pulled away from the kiss. The doctor stared at Jim for a moment, then grinned and leaned Jim back just enough for the blonde’s eyes to go wide in surprise. Jim instinctively grabbed onto Leonard’s shoulder, holding on for dear life as Leonard laughed and kissed him again before straightening up.

“I am pleased to present Dr. Leonard and Mr. James Kirk-McCoy,” Admiral Pike said laughing a bit.

“Warning,” Jim whispered when he and Leonard were almost all the way back down the aisle.

“You never give me any warning about anything half the time. High time I got my revenge,” Leonard shrugged as they walked out of the room.

“I’m getting my revenge later,” Jim winked, hand moving down and grabbing Leonard’s ass for a short second.

“Is this what our marriage is going to be? Constantly getting revenge?” The two of them came to a stop in a small room where they would have a few minutes alone before doing photos.

“Or we can call a truce.”

Leonard was suddenly pinned against the back of the door with Jim’s hands on his hips holding him in place. “I am not having sex at my own wedding, Jim.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that.”

“You have me pinned against the door. What else could you be suggesting?”

Jim pressed his lips to Leonard’s jaw.

“Jim, are you planning on answering my question?”

“I am. This is what I was suggesting.” Jim’s lips brushing against Leonard’s skin.

“And what is ‘this’?”

Jim pulled back and grinned. “Kissing my husband.”

“I like how that sounds.”

“I would hope you do. We’re going to be signing on the dotted line in a few minutes and just went through…”

“If I kiss you, will you shut up for once?”

“By now you should know it’s the most effective way of shutting me up.”

“I was being polite.” Leonard closed the gap between their lips.

They were interrupted a few minutes later by Admiral Pike, Chekov, and Donna to sign the marriage license.

~

That evening, Leonard laid in bed staring up at the ceiling, slowly spinning the white gold band on his left ring finger thoughtfully.

“What’re you thinking about?” Jim asked walking out of the bathroom naked rubbing the towel over his head.

“Hm?”

“What are you thinking about? You have that look on your face.”

“You’ll have to be more specific. I have a lot of looks.” Leonard looked over not bothering to hide the small smile on his face at the sight before him.

“It’s the look you get when you’re completely engrossed in whatever you’re doing or thinking about. Therefore, what are you thinking about?” Jim asked as he got into bed.

Leonard hesitated. “Nothing. It’s not important.”

“Thought everything was supposed to be important to me now.”

“Jim…”

“I want to hear what’s wrong.”

Leonard let out a small sigh and looked over at Jim, gaze focusing on the tungsten band on his hand.  _Fuck_.

“Bones, what’s wrong?” Jim furrowed his eyebrows.

“What have we done?” Leonard whispered under his breath.

“What?” Jim leaned closer.

Leonard shook his head and turned away.

“Leonard,” Jim frowned as he laid down, moving closer to wrap his arms around the brunette.

“I’m sorry, Jim. I’m being stupid.”

“I didn’t hear what you said. What’s wrong?”

“What have we done?” Leonard choked out.

Jim stiffened. “Are you regretting getting married?” he breathed.

“No, I…I, uh…”

“If you’re not regretting it, then what’s wrong?”

Leonard went silent for a few minutes, then turned over. “You were scared earlier, right?” he asked slowly, picking his words carefully.

Jim nodded.

“I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“Went down in flames last time, didn’t it? You saw me on that shuttle, drunk and fighting with one of the flight officers.”

“It’s not going to this time.”

“How do you know?”

Jim cracked a small smile. “Because I’m your best friend. Because I promised I’m not going anywhere. Because we dated for seven years before this. You trust me, right?”

Leonard nodded, “Yes, of course.”

“Then trust me when I say, I’m not going to let this go down in flames. We’ve both had enough things in our lives go to hell. This won’t be one of them.”

Leonard furrowed his eyebrows and looked down. “But were foolish to do this?”

“Again, we dated for seven years. For as long as your last marriage lasted and five years longer than you were with her before marrying her. We didn’t rush into it. So, no, we’re not foolish for getting married. Only fools rush in.”

Leonard turned over and met Jim’s gaze. “Are you referencing classical music?”

“I don’t know. Am I?” Jim smiled tracing his fingers down Leonard’s right arm until he reached his hand, taking it in his.

Leonard thought for a moment, then asked, “Could you help falling in love with me?”

Jim pushed Leonard onto his back and pinned the brunette beneath him, laughing. “Once I got past your grumpiness, no, I couldn’t help falling in love with you.”

Leonard smiled, putting his hand on the back of Jim’s neck and pulling him down into a kiss. “I had a pretty hard time not falling in love with you, you idiot,” he whispered against Jim’s lips.

“Your idiot.” Jim rested his forehead against Leonard’s.

“Yeah, you’re my idiot,” Leonard laughed, rubbing his thumb over Jim’s ring.

“Well, you’re my grump, so it’s only fair.” Jim tilted his head and brushed his lips against Leonard’s.

“We’re not doing anything tonight, just to be clear.”

Jim pulled away, frowning playfully. “What? Too tired, old man?”

“Call me old man again, and you’ll regret it for a week,” Leonard smirked.

Jim leaned down and whispered, “Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Perhaps it’s both.”

“I like the sound of that, old man.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Leonard rolled his eyes and pulled his husband’s lips closer.  _His husband. His pain in the ass. His idiot._

“I love you, Bones,” Jim mumbled against his lips.

“I love you too, Jim,” Leonard smiled.

 


End file.
